Atrocities

"What are you talking about?" he asks eagerly, clutching a Mario toy in one hand, a half-eaten cheese stick in the other. The question catches me by surprise.

"Well, we're talking about where we live," I start, "and there are some people in charge who are doing things that are hurting people."

I regret saying the last bit immediately.

Mom cuts in: "Sometimes people are mean, honey. But you are safe, don't worry. We're just talking right now."

I scan for signs of distress. He is every bit as anxious as I was at his age - full of curiosity, wonder, and excitement, but terrified of things he doesn't understand. For now though, there's no furrowed brow or uncomfortable shifting of weight. Mom's answer is enough and he goes back to playing with his brother.

It was a close call, but I know we can't put it off forever. There is a conversation coming. It's a conversation I have rehearsed in my head over and over, but am still wholly unprepared for.

"Why do people do bad things?" he will ask. Perhaps not with those words, perhaps not even knowing that is the question he is asking, but it is the question he will ask. And I will have to answer.

"That's a good question," I'll respond, thinking of masked men parading as the law, tearing apart families and taking lives. I'll try to sound hopeful and calm as the cruelty of the world rushes to my mind. I’ll remember the racism and bigotry on full display when people around me celebrated the election of someone who promised to “take back our country.”

"What do you think?" I'll deflect, wanting desperately for him to remain in a world of magic and wonder. A world where new countries and cultures are things to have on your bucket list, and not places where greedy men are waging war for profit and hubris.

"Because people are angry," he'll say. Or perhaps something more benign like "Because they don't know better."

I'll nod to his response, he won't be wrong. But will it be the truth?

To be honest I don't know if I'll have an answer.

---

I've been struggling with this theoretical conversation a lot lately. Must I break the innocence of a child by showing them the cruelty around us? How do I explain that some people hoard wealth while others starve on the streets? How do I explain greed and the corrupting effect of power?

These aren't just abstract issues for a thought experiment, they are the forces shaping the world my children will live in. Every day I am confronted with another news story telling me just how bad things are. How can I tell him to have hope when the people meant to lead us to a better place, the leaders of our communities and nation, continue to show themselves as opportunists, thieves, liars, and sexual predators?

I'm reminded of the quote from Andor: "It's easier to hide behind forty atrocities than a single incident."

And there are atrocities. So many, so fast, so unbelievable that it becomes easier not to look at all. Everyday people become blind to the inhumane.

It used to be easier to blame only the politicians, or assume it happens far away, but I see it in my day-to-day life more and more. I see it in ordinary moments, in public places, even in old relationships.

Having to break the news to my boys that they can't go meet their new baby cousin because he was exposed to measles through unvaccinated patients at a pediatrician appointment, then watching as the number of recommended vaccinations is lowered.

Trying to explain to a four-year-old why the old man in the grocery store was telling a small family to "leave and go back where they came from" a day after new anti-immigrant detention camps are announced.

Needing to shield my boys from the cruel words of people who learn that their aunt has a girlfriend, while watching the government erase LGBT history from federal records.

Telling my son that it's not ok to use the words he learned at school, then hearing the same language from the president.

I fear my children will know a world full of only hate and fear. A world where people live in fear of being arrested for saying the wrong thing or having the wrong color skin. A place where people fear standing up for minorities because it's "anti-Trump" and therefore "anti-American".

I think if my son were to come to me tomorrow and ask the question Why do people do bad things?, I may just break down. Recognizing in myself the powerlessness and fear of living in a world where so much is uncontrollable, I find myself frustrated and afraid for my children. I don't have the answers I want to give them. Perhaps I'll simply say, "because they can."

This is obviously a depressing and hopeless outlook. When talking about this before I have been told "find the good", "you need more faith in God", and "don't stress about things you can't control". These are all fine and good and each of them certainly has their place. I would argue, however, that it is important to recognize the reality of what is happening around us and take as much action as we can, lest we slide into complacency and unintentional condoning of inhumane actions. I may not have the answers to all of my children's questions, but I can do my best to teach them to not add to the chaos and despair, even if there is very little we can do to change it.

- Ben