First Flight

I've been putting this off.

I keep telling my family, friends, coworkers, and pretty much anyone who will listen that I am trying to write more and that I am "starting a BLOG!"

Am I 15 years late to the blog world? Yes.

Honestly, it feels kind of silly to be excited about doing this, given that the world is falling apart around us. But I am excited anyway, and people are just gonna have to deal with it.

So here I am, eager to use this as a creative outlet for myself. A place I can write about my thoughts. A place I can wax political (fair warning to potential readers). A place I can write silly stories and make incredibly dumb jokes. A place I can put a stake in the ground and say "this is who I am and what I am thinking about and I am going to be as authentic or as fake as I want".

But I've found it's actually really intimidating to sit down and make it happen. There's something inherently vulnerable about writing. A piece of you is left on the page. And then to put that slice of your soul out there for people to actually read? For people to pick apart and criticize and form opinions on? Or for people to ignore it completely and let my words fade into the ether? Seems like a very dumb idea, to be honest.

And that's not even mentioning the arrogance of the whole thing. Are my thoughts and feelings and jokes and opinions actually worth the time it would take someone to read them? Like how presumptuous am I to think I have something to say that hasn't been said and re-said a thousand times over. Am I so proud to think that my thoughts are worth cementing into an essay when I have already changed my mind on at least four things since yesterday?

On the other hand, I think it's valuable for people to have a place they can express their thoughts, as unoriginal as they may be. Writing allows for deliberate, critical thinking; it forces one to articulate opinions in ways oral communication lacks. And perhaps a written record of my thoughts will give me a window into how I change and grow, rather than pigeonholing me into a single paradigm.

Ultimately I have forced myself to come to the conclusion that this blog is for me, not for anyone else. Writing allows me to gather my thoughts, critique my own opinions, process emotion, and think through things critically. Making it public allows me the opportunity to gather feedback or have my ideas challenged. All of these things will, hopefully, help make me a better person.

And if not I can just delete the page. This is only a blog, after all.

- Ben