May 15, 2026

The Benaissance

Trauma

Hello friends and newsletter readers. Today I want to walk you through some traumatic experiences I've had in my life.

Car Barf

There we were, four happy people driving to our friend Caroline's wedding reception, all the drama over lost shoes and last minute snacks behind us. We were dressed up, well fed, and ready to have a great evening; we hadn't even forgotten to bring their gift. Things were looking good.

It happened suddenly. No warnings, no fanfare, no time to react. My youngest exclaims "MY TUMMY HURTS!"

The vomit expelled itself violently from his body. Chunks were everywhere, coating his carseat, the car's seat, himself, his water bottle, his snack... nothing within 3 feet of the event was untouched.

The smell hit us first. My oldest starts to gag. "DON'T LOOK AT IT!" I shout, forcing my own dinner back down, "WE HAVE TO TURN AROUND!"

We drive as fast as possible off the next exit and back to the house. There are three more rounds of puking during the 7 minute drive. Children are crying, I'm crying, the wedding present stares at me mockingly. We aren't going to make it to the reception.

The Truman Show

Some of you have heard me talk about The Truman Show before. You will remember that I claim this movie as the single most traumatizing thing I have experienced in my life (so far).

I watched The Truman Show when I was around 8. Why my parents thought a movie about a guy living in a world where everyone he loves is acting was a good kid movie still eludes me. The movie is cute enough, and I was old enough to recognize the themes of independence and human strength.

I was not old enough to recognize the incredulity of the plot.

I spent the next 3 years thinking my parents were actors. I would make faces and deliver jokes to the camera in the bathroom mirror. I avoided saying anything too personal to my parents. I was afraid to be naked in my own bedroom.

On some level I knew this couldn't be true, and I trusted and loved my parents, but there was always that lingering thought that everyone in my life was lying to me. That I was truly alone in the world.

Someday maybe that will go away, but for now I do my best Jim Carrey and try to entertain :)

Mike Whatcott's 2x2 Grid Challenge

Recently Mike (of michaelwhatcott.com fame) issued a very serious challenge for me to create a 2x2 grid that he could apply to his life. He used things like the The Johari Window and ## The FranklinCovey Time Matrix® as examples. I'm not one to back down from easy challenges, so here's my attempt so far.

The Ben Square

Irrational Response Level Measured

Party Ben

Something minor happened and you are making it everyone's problem. You will not let this go and you WILL have vengeance.

Newsletter Ben

You were genuinely wronged and have chosen to process it publicly, at length, in a bi-weekly email.

Dad Ben

Nothing happened and you handled it like a hero. You shrugged, then moved on. You might have even said "these things happen", or "that's life, buddy."

Chill, Laid-Back Ben

You were actually wronged and your response was calm and proportionate. Your friends and family see you as royalty, but it doesn't go to your head

Petty grievance Grievance Validity Genuinely wronged

I'm still workshopping so if you have any feedback, let me know.

- Ben